I’m not going to lie…yesterday was a tough day. For a holiday where we are supposed to focus on what we are thankful for, it’s hard not to think about what you no longer have. I used to have two Thanksgiving dinners to attend with my parents in Charleston, an hour away. One was traditional, with ham and turkey and maybe a game of touch football at the schoolyard down the street. Then, it was off to mom’s side of the family where we ate tofurkey and incense smoke rolled through the air.
The holiday evolved, with me bringing home a friend who became like family during the college years. And then, the first year after college, I decided to share Thanksgiving with my boyfriend and his family. However, on the day we were supposed to leave for our travels, I received the news that my Aunt Susan had passed away. And so the fates pulled me back to West Virginia. I flew home on Thanksgiving Day and I remember avoiding every eye contact possible in the airport, jealous and almost angry of all the people going to destinations where celebration awaited. And I was purely heartbroken.
After that, Thanksgivings weren’t quite the same in my family. Then I moved to Aspen to be with the man who would become my husband. I soon learned that when one lives in a mountain tourist town, going home for the holidays isn’t quite possible. It’s too busy, too snowy and ski season has just begun. And so I started to create what I would call my ‘Aspen family.’ I made my first Turkey with two friends, one vegetarian and one Swedish, all of us clueless but succeeding anyway. I got engaged on Thanksgiving as snow already blanketed the surrounding mountains. And then for the past few years, I attended a dinner in which there was a theme (Pilgrims and Aliens, Viking Thanksgiving, etc). There were costumes, laughter and amazing food.
And so….yesterday. It was my first single Thanksgiving in a long time. It was my first Thanksgiving with my parents and in West Virginia in nine years. I was sort of at a loss as to what to do with myself. I wasn’t looking forward to it. I even started mourning the fact that I didn’t have a big brown dog to feed turkey to. I reverted back to my resort town mentality and volunteered, almost begged, to open the wine bar that evening.
But here’s what happened. I woke up and walked a couple blocks over to the park and met up with some friends for a turkey trot. Though I wasn’t planning on really going for a good time, I ended up running my 2nd fastest 5k ever. I came home and cooked some food while singing along to music. I went over to my parents’ house and we enjoyed an awesome meal together. We took the dogs for a walk on a beautiful day and enjoyed each other’s company as we always do. I spent the afternoon texting friends from college, friends from Colorado, and my yogi tribe from Costa Rica. I told them I loved them and they told me the same.
I went to work and eventually the bar started filling with friendly faces. There were new friends from town, from class, from my other job….all stopping in to say hello. There were four friends sitting at the bar who I’d known all of my life. They brought me dessert and I delighted in hearing their laughter as I poured wine. And everyone who walked through that door talked of escape—escape from cooking duties, from familial duties, from pressure to go Black Friday shopping. And all I could think about was how honored I felt that they had come my way.
So I guess the day wasn’t so bad. The thing about life is that it’s constantly evolving. And it’s true that I have lost a lot. And as time goes on, it’s certain that I will lose more. But I will keep gaining and growing too. Who’s to say what the next few Thanksgivings will look like, what new traditions will be created. But I’ll just keep trying to remember to take stock of what I do have and sink all my gratitude into that.
Because there’s oh so much that I can be grateful for….late November flip flop weather, good running shoes and gloves, my cousin’s voice over the phone, leftover turkey sandwiches, parents who love me endlessly, red wine, the beautiful West Virginia hills that I call home, yoga in Costa Rica and beyond, planning a 35th birthday getaway with girls I’ve known since I was 5, music that makes me sing, music that makes me dance, the constant discovery of new kindred spirits, chocolate pecan bars, my fuzzy slippers on this cold rainy day, coffee (always coffee), friends who recognized I needed a little extra love yesterday, upcoming holiday parties which will be so fun that I won’t need a date, a good cleansing cry, and finally, the ability to make a little more sense of my life by writing this blog. So thanks for joining me.