All These Places

I think I am not alone in my love/hate relationship with social media.  I hate it when I sit on my couch scrolling and scrolling thinking that everyone has it sooooo much better than me.  And they definitely have their lives more put together.  And lord, let’s not start with the political climate that exists on there these days.  So I won’t start.  What I will say that sometimes I do love it.  Especially when it delivers these little nuggets of reflection that I’ve found in a couple of things circulating these days.

I’ll start with this whole ‘your year in review!’ that has been floating around on Facebook the past week or so.  In case you haven’t reached this blog through Facebook or you’ve skipped over this little video, I’ll explain.  It says “Hey so-and-so, take a look at your 2016!”.  And then it shows pictures of you smiling  with your smiling friends.  It’s comprised of pictures throughout the year—maybe weddings, maybe nights out, maybe vacations.

More than a couple of people that shared their video commented something along the lines of “hey, here I thought all of 2016 was just a big ol’ suck fest but I forgot that all these good things happened!”  I was telling a friend about my observation and he told me about this bit of science called ‘the negativity bias.’  It’s the notion that, even when of equal intensity, things of a more negative nature have a greater effect of one’s psychological state and processes than do positive things.  I suppose that this little working of the brain did us well when we were cavemen and we had to remember that we should be scared of vicious wild creatures for survival.   But we’ve evolved.  Right?

Right….so why is it so easy to want to throw away an entire year and all that it contained?  I’m guilty.  I’ve had more than my share fair of blows during this year 2016 so believe me, I’m more than ready to hibernate these next couple of weeks and come out again when the ball drops, hoping for new and different and good.  But here Facebook shows me this little video and I see these moments that I wouldn’t want to erase from my memory simply in the name of pretending a whole year didn’t exist.   What if we slowly tricked our brain into evolving to this place where we know that bad and good are simply just words?  Pain and joy and heartbreak and ecstasy are all just emotions on a continuum…..and for any of them to exist, all of them must exist.

And then there’s Instagram.  Yesterday I just started seeing a bunch of friends post these side by side pictures….2006 vs 2016.  I decided to play along and since my Facebook account nor smartphone existed ten years ago, I dove into the storage closet to find my photo album from that time.  I had to think really hard about what was happening during that time.  I was living in Aspen, I was getting married, I was traveling back to West Virginia to attend my ten year reunion, I was managing a shop that sold ski apparel and I hated to ski.

When I moved the little pictures side by side in a photo app, the physical differences jumped out immediately.  I’m in much better shape now thanks to yoga (and, as I like to joke to others who comment on my weight, a steady diet of heartbreak…but alas, I digress) and it appears that maybe, just maybe, I’ve finally figured out how to do my hair and makeup like a real girl.  But there’s something else.  I look at a smile, forced, on the old picture I pulled out from the album.  The picture I used from 2016 was from when I attended an adult prom fundraiser with friends.  It was a pretty spectacular night and there’s a brightness to my eyes and an authenticity to my smile.

And it’s then that I know…..I think maybe I have figured a few things out over the years.  Sometimes it’s hard to get wrapped up in this idea that I’m wading through life and kind of just swimming in place.  I wonder in fact if the path I’m on is undulating or just circular.  And then I see that smile.  And I know that I have arrived at that smile because I have worked really hard to get it there.  I have made difficult decisions and taken a path that perhaps seems a little strange to others.  If that smile disappears for a while, it’s only because I made this commitment to live my life heart wide open and all in. But I refuse to wear a forced smile simply because I want to straddle the in between.

So this is where social media becomes this beautiful gift at the perfect time right now. Here comes Facebook saying ‘hey look, don’t forget about the absolute sweetness of life in the midst of a little mess’ and here comes Instagram saying ‘you think you can’t survive 2016?  Look how much you’ve survived since 2006.’  And while living in the past is something to truly be avoided, sometimes returning to it for a little bit of perspective is  good medicine.