The night before last I was walking down the beach with a friend. We had just had a delicious meal followed by a ridiculous shopping excursion in a tacky souvenir shop. The sun was beginning to set and so we decided that, rather than get an Uber home, we would take our shoes off and walk the two miles home through the sand. This friend is someone who, from our very first conversation, has been the person I can express all of my thoughts to. She gets me, she makes me think, she indulges any ridiculous question that I have. So as we walked the sky gently turned from blue to black, flirting with shades of pink and violet on its way to night. The waves lapped lazily and the breeze pushed gently against us. This night, this setting, this friendship was made for hearts laid bare. And so I began to tell her a story that I had never told anyone. But now I will tell it here.
It was 2009 and I had been living in Colorado for six years, married for three. It was late springtime and snow still blanketed the mountains and Aspen was in full gear with tourists. A friend of mine was getting married in a few months time and a handful of us gathered for a bachelorette party/night out on the town. We wound up at a bar situated at the base of Aspen Mountain, a place that was known for it’s ‘apres ski’ scene. We weren’t dressed in traditional bachelorette gear because we were mountain chicks……however, my friend wore a white fleece and a veil on her head. So we were having drinks at the bar and a group of gentlemen approached us and wanted to buy us the next round. They were in town from Canada having a divorce party. One of them had been a professional hockey player and had just split from his wife; they had split the houses (plural) and he had gotten the Aspen home. So he invited a few buddies to join him on a ski trip to celebrate.
So as the night wound on, we started having fun with these guys and we were all tickled by the fact that we were celebrating the beginning of a marriage and they were celebrating the end of one. The men had reservations for the private dining room at one of the finest restaurants in town and as that time approached they asked us to join them for dinner, their treat. It was one of those “why wouldn’t you?” situations. So we went to this restaurant, drastically underdressed, and had a great meal. As we were eating, this one man who I had been talking to quite a bit told me he had a confession to make.
“We didn’t come over and buy you guys drinks because your friend is getting married. But that was a great excuse. The truth is that you were lighting up the entire room and I told my friends I had to find a way to get to know you. I know you are married and I’m not trying to be inappropriate at all but you need to know how special you are. And I’ve got this feeling you are going to do amazing things with your life.”
After dinner we went our separate ways, my friends and I to a local watering hole and the men to the swanky members only club. I’ve never spoken to that man again. I have a slippery memory of his face but can’t remember his name. And yet. Flash forward to a couple nights ago on the beach talking with my friend….
“Do you think that man is one of your eight?” she asked me after I had told her the story. I replied yes without even thinking twice.
My friend had told me her theory of the eight before. She believes that if you’re lucky, throughout your life you will meet eight people who, by meeting them, will profoundly change the course of your existence. These people might only be in your life for a few minutes. Or they might be in your life for decades. But something in them truly and profoundly changes something in you. Now, this is not a soul mate in the romantic sense per se. Nor is it the eight most important people in your life. I am so fortunate to have wonderful parents and friends who love me and lift me up. They support me, they get me, they make me laugh and listen when I cry. We shift and change together. But they are not my eight.
This random Canadian man? He’s one of my eight. And I know this because, here it is, eight years later (look what happened there….) and that night is so profound for me that it will never leave the slippery folds of my memory. Because at that point in my life when I met him, I was feeling very un-special and un-shiny. I was in a marriage in which I did not feel appreciated. I didn’t feel like my ex ‘got’ me or loved the parts of me that I was most proud of. I had a light grasp of a feeling that I was meant to do ‘more’ but I didn’t know what. And I didn’t feel like my partner believed in me at all. And it’s hard to achieve anything when the one you sleep next to doesn’t support the effort. And this Canadian man had no motives when he told me I was shiny and special and that he believed in me. And yet he did. And in that moment, I believed him. And after that, I started getting a little stronger every day, investing in my strength and my self and my shine. And that all brought me here, which is truly where I’m meant to be.
I have a few more that fill my list of eight. One of them is my abusive ex (your eight people don’t necessarily have to be positive in your life). However, I had been travelling around in a state of numb for a while when I was with him. I was just doing what I thought I ‘should’ be doing. With my studies, it was like I was running through a race I wasn’t sure I wanted to even finish. When I left him, I had to leave the state for my own safety. He pushed me fully and completely out of my comfort zone. But I needed that. After leaving him, I moved to Aspen and began exploring a life that made sense to me, regardless if it made sense to anyone else. And that way of living has been an compass for my soul ever since then.
One of my other ‘eights’ is the first man that I fell in love with. It was decades ago, I was young, and the relationship only lasted a few months. But yet, he showed me what I should expect in finding connection with a partner. He showed me that love exists more powerfully in actions than in words. I could talk to him about anything. And he made my heart do absolute backflips every time he looked at me. That’s how I want to be loved and I will always thank him for giving me that guide.
And my friend, the one who stepped side by side with me in the sand a couple nights ago? Well, I’m pretty sure she’s number four. It might take the gift of time to see how exactly she is shifting my life but I am certain that she is doing so. The thing about your eight is that you never see them coming. So it’s best to stay open, to let people enter your soul and your life. Talk to strangers, fall in love, pursue a new friendship. You never know who is going to change your life unless you allow them to do so.